The past three months have been anything but easy. I had settled in to teach for the rest of the school year when the pandemic hit and along with that, having to learn how to teach remotely on the fly. I was fortunate to have two co-teachers that excelled at this monumental undertaking and that helped immensely. A couple of weeks ago saw an end to this interim gig, however, and the summer began.
There are lot of things that I’d normally be doing that are no longer options. I’d undoubtedly be spend a part of my time at the Barnes & Noble Cafe’, my home away from home, but it’s not been reopened for seating. I usually would go out to eat at least once a day and although some of the venues have reopened, I’ve mainly done pick-up or more recently, had it delivered. I resigned my post as a photographer for the local newspaper, so that’s not anything that gets me out and about and moving.
Perhaps the most difficult part of it all has been the loneliness that has set in here of late. It’s a deep-seeded feeling, especially at night, that finds that desire for human contact once again unfulfilled. As an effort to fill this void, I’ve even this week gotten memberships in a couple of dating websites, but thus far that really hasn’t led to much.
I know in recovery not to run from my emotions and feelings. This past week, I seem to have gotten stuck in that feeling of loneliness and know I need to work through it, but am not sure exactly how to go about doing that. I’ve reached out to several friends along the way and they’ve offered me support, but the fact remains the feeling lingers.
I lead an online recovery meeting once a week and brought this up as a topic one evening. I heard a lot of good experience, strength, and hope and quite a few of the members thanked me for addressing the topic that you don’t hear talked about too often in meetings. So I had done what I knew to do,,,,to reach out and to be of service…and wouldn’t you know after that meeting, I felt more alone and lonely than I did at any point.
So I’l continue to trudge along, accepting my feelings for what they are. I’ll still make efforts to reach out, but know in my heart that if the loneliness is to subside, I’ll have to stay the course I’m currently on. A lot of what I know is what NOT to do…I’m pretty familiar with all that.
So I guide my thoughts this day to happier times in my life and will put my intentions out into the universe that my loneliness, in all its many forms, will subside when it’s run it’s course.